what the heck is this?
The Patent-Pending, New & Improved, Multi-Bagel, Universal Rating System!
They're like stars, darlings, but much tastier. Each bagel equals one star, and then there's a schmear, which is half. Here's how it breaks down:five bagels
The best of the best. Consistently excellent with no exceptions. Food and service come together and after the meal you feel like a better person. Run — do not walk — to this establishment. But make a reservation first.
four bagels
I almost fell in love but I didn't. A good meal from a well-run establishment with a skilled kitchen, but no orgasm.
three bagels
An average, uneventful, dining-out experience. But is basically getting a "C" good enough? Not for my money, unless you are desperate, and we all get desperate sometimes.
two bagels
Unsatisfactory on more than one level. It could be sticky floors, rude service, overcooked or carelessly prepared food, or all of the above. Next time stay home and cook.
one bagel
Keep driving, there must be somewhere else close by where you can get food.
a schmear
When only a fraction will do.
